How to Not Take Things Personally at Work

Fernanda: One of my mentees was sharing some of her workplace challenges with me, and it seems one of the things she struggles with is how to not take things personally at work. I'm here to tell you that I used to suffer from this, too. Any kind of feedback I received, I would internalize—especially if it was negative or constructive feedback.

I can deeply relate to people who feel that way, struggling with those emotions when someone critiques your work or delivers feedback without the best bedside manner. For many years, I tried to overcome this and wondered how to stop taking things so personally. Finally, I read a book that made everything click: Trust Yourself by Melody Wilding, which I will link in the comments.

The book offers many helpful frameworks for setting boundaries at work and understanding why certain things hit us harder than others. She talks a lot about highly sensitive people, or what she terms "sensitive strivers"—people who work very hard, feel things deeply, and care immensely about their work. I definitely saw myself in that description, and working through her journaling exercises and stories was incredibly helpful.

On the specific topic of not taking things personally, the concept that flipped the switch for me was when Melody Wilding discussed where you source your validation. Do you seek it internally, or do you rely on external sources?

That distinction changed my perspective entirely. She pointed out that if you source validation from within, whatever happens externally—positive or negative—won't shake you. It helped me realize that what truly matters is how I feel about myself and my performance.

Whatever someone else says is simply data and information. I don't have to absorb it as truth or construct an entire narrative about my worth around it. I can simply acknowledge, "Okay, they feel that way. How do I feel about my own performance and what I accomplished?"

This doesn't mean completely ignoring what others say and only listening to yourself. Rather, it is a lens that reminds you that you don't depend on external validation, praise, or recognition. It also means you don't have to interpret constructive feedback as a personal attack; you define your own narrative.

It might seem counterintuitive that the key to not taking things personally is letting go of the need for external validation, both positive and negative, but it truly worked for me. Nowadays, negative feedback doesn't hit as hard or shake the core of who I am, because that internal foundation is strong.

Likewise, when someone offers high praise, it's nice to hear, but it doesn't define me either. If that praise never came, I would still be grounded. Ultimately, it comes down to strengthening your core so you aren't constantly swayed by external inputs.

I hope this has been helpful. If it resonated with you, please like, subscribe, and share this with someone who might benefit from it. Thank you!

Fernanda Brasileiro

People Development Consultant & Strategist

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